My wife has a running joke with me that I only have one friend. Well in retirement I do really have only one friend who I see regularly....but many friends from the past who I at least keep in touch with. There is some truth in what she says....for if I myself didn't believe....what I believe....I wouldn't really want to get together with me either.
                We do get together with people rather regularly....primarily because of her many  friends....and neighbors....and family of course....and I can talk and look and laugh like a normal person for....maybe three hours....telling jokes at times....(as I have a whole humor link to the left of this post)....and overall seeming like an everyday conservative evangelical American citizen....but it is hard for me to pull this off....as I am really being somewhat of a fake at those times.
               Gary Lewis....and the Playboys....had a hit song back in the 60s that you have probably sung along with many times over the years....Everybody Loves A Clown. There is one line in that song that hits home with me...."If you wonder why this clown is cryin'....look a little closer, inside I'm dying."
               If you knew what I know? That sounds kind of arrogant doesn't it....but it's not only me....for it is a sizable remnant within the church....within evangelicalism....including multitudes of pastors....that feel like I do....who know what is ahead....only we are spread out across the country....and my particular area of churches is not a hotbed for wanting and expecting and desiring Jesus to return to this world that is descending into the abyss. Daniel knew what was ahead....far ahead....at the end of times....and it still made him ill! This is not pretty stuff!
               Lest any reader might feel sorry for me....(pertaining to the joke about having only one friend)....I have to let them know what should not be a secret....but apparently is a secret....that when all is said and done....all of the psychology of the matter analyzed....and the history of the world and the church laid out....and all the biblical advice given on why we do not know when Jesus is returning....and all the advice rendered by many councilors....there will be Jesus before us in glory and majesty! Did we examine ourselves....and our motives...and our primary desires? Did we pray in humble mortification? Did we go slow and review every possible temptation that one could fall into? Did we even say something like....'Lord....please send someone else to say these things....someone more respected than me....and with more ability?'
                That's all we can do folks. I will add this though. The peace of God...in stepping forward....in the face of legitimate doubts....relying on faith....the faith that Peter had as he stepped out of the boat....and the knowledge of what happens if that faith weakens....that peace and joy from God is enough....it is enough....to press on!